Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck FUCK! Fuck fuck... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, "Fuck fuck fuck," fuck fuck.

Fuck, fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck?? Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck - fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck; fuck, fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck.

Fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Fuck fuck fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck!

Fuck!!

The word loses all perspective after typing it so many times.

Now that I have that out of my system, I can begin my New Year's resolution.

Labels: misc

Yesterday marked Bean's second month. Only two months into the recaps and I'm already behind. I blame Christmas. Or the terrorists - take your pick.

In the past month, Bean has discovered his hands. Judging by the way he's typically holding them, I'm thinking about setting him up with golf clubs. His interlocking golf grip is great. And after all, if Tiger can get such an early start, why not Bean? I mean, parents whore out their kids all over the place, and it's about time Bean starts contributing to this household's bottom line.

(Kidding - sheesh.)

Since the last recap, Bean has taken even greater delight in the world around him. He's so inquisitive that he's rubbed the back of his head bald from turning to look at things. Not that he had much hair to begin with, but now there's even less. To make up for that, his eyelashes have really grown. It's like the baby equivalent of balding men growing ponytails. ("If I can't grow it on top, then I'll just grow it long. No one will notice the shine on top!")

In other exciting news, his eating schedule is starting to stretch. Night feedings were every 2 hours and sometimes less. Last night he went 4.5 hours before his first feeding and then 3+ hours before his next. Pretty soon, we'll all get a complete night's sleep and I won't know what to do with myself. I figure this luxury will happen right around the time that I have to return to my regular work schedule and have to be in the office at a certain time. It'll happen this way because nature is evil. And God hates me.

Anyway, tomorrow is Bean's first Christmas and we're all very excited. We have family in town from now until the end of the year, so posting will be (even more) light. To make up for it, I'll leave you with a photo of our semi-smiling cutie:


(Special thanks to Sara for knitting the awesome sweater!)
Happy holidaze and a safe, happy new year to all. See you in 2009.

Labels: Bean, monthly recap

Oh, this is rich. After all our mess these past two weeks regarding banking and trojans, I find this article to be a peach: Serious security flaw found in IE. You don't have to read it if you don't want to; I'll sum up for you. IE sucks and has a security flaw that could compromise your system. It's recommended that you use another browser (Firefox is a good choice) until they can create an emergency patch. Actually, I misspoke. It's recommended by everyone but Microsoft that you switch temporarily. Heck, while you're at it, just go ahead and post a list of your passwords on Facebook or MySpace!

Almost as (un)funny is the advice given on my bank's website. You'll recall that all this crapola began when McAfee fell asleep at the wheel.



Ha flippin' ha.

Time for a little SAT-inspired quiz.

December is to jewelry commercials as:

A) October is to political campaign ads (Because the elections! They're coming!!)

B) January is to Jenny Craig and Bally's commercials (Your unrealistic resolutions are our bread and butter!)

C) Me wanting to puke about all of the above


If you picked C, then pack your bags for Harvard!

Seriously, the ways in which advertisers patronize us really disgusts me. Are we not bright enough to think on our own? Do you really think that airing those revolting Six Dollar Burger spots during the dinner hour will magically make me think that they count as food? Ikea is one of the few companies that not only treats us like educated adults, but their ads are funny and thoughtful.

Exhibit A



Exhibit B (wherein the voice-over asks
"Why shouldn't sofas come in flavors, just like families?")



Exhibit C (Eco-minded and gay!)



At this time of year, television is littered with ads for jewelry stores. These companies are about as on the mark as Carl's Jr. yet they annoy me more. "Every kiss begins with Kay..." Which sounds like "Every kiss begins with K," so I always respond "And it ends with a bleeping S, you idiot." (Can't tell me those Hooked on Phonics tapes aren't paying off handsomely!) Sarah Haskins of Current TV feels my pain:


"I was worried I was a boring guy in a sweater." See? She gets me. Madison Ave? Please try again.

Labels: misc, please try again

Last week my sweetie noticed that our computer was running really slowly. Around the same time, I began experiencing weirdness with Firefox. New tabs would open and go to random sites. (I rarely waited to see which ones. Since I didn't initiate going there, I certainly wasn't going to stick around and wait for it to load.) The window would auto resize - a developer trick that I hate - and general funky behavior all around. None of this concerned me overly much. We run McAfee and don't fall for stupid phishing tricks.

And then I went to the bank. I tried to make a deposit in the ATM and it kept saying "Unauthorized Use" on my account. (Quick FYI to the banking systems: if anyone wants to make a deposit to my accounts, then it's fine with me. Authorize away!) So I went into the bank to see what was going on. Apparently, Visa noticed suspicious behavior on my account and deactivated my debit card. Bugger. Well, it's a mild inconvenience, but better than discovering thousands of dollars of fraudulent activity.

A couple of hours later I was at the grocery store. I'd forgotten about the loss of my debit card, so I tried to pay with my regular Visa instead. "Bad swipe," it said. Hmmmm... This card was issued by my bank, too. Methinks something afoul is afoot. Back at home, a quick call to the bank reveled the bad news. My online banking account had been compromised.

[Lightbulb. Okay, dim lightbulb.]

Ohhhhhhhhh. The weirdness on the computer, the slowness, the hacked account. It had to be a virus! (This is where my no swearing was going to be tested.) Mother puss bucket.

I forced an update and scan on McAfee and it found... nothing. Nothing?? Seriously? So I hit the interweb to do some research. The symptoms certainly sounded like this trojan, but the files didn't match. I thought something would turn up on a McAfee forum. Oh look! There was something! Loads and loads of people complaining about how McAfee is worthless and never finds things that free programs easily discover. It was around this time that I was beginning to see the light and agree with those forum posters.

So I grabbed AVG, Search & Destroy and Malwarebytes - all of which were free. In the first run, more than 70 threats were detected, one of which was Vundo, which is a nasty little trojan. (Thanks for nothing McAfee!!) I ran all three programs, rebooted, and ran them again. It still pulled up the Vundo trojan and a few other issues. Scrub the trojan, re-run, reboot, try again. Stupid Vundo - it's still there. Scrub the trojan, re-run, reboot, try again. Still there. This is getting old. Finally I found the trick online. Scrub the trojan, re-run, reboot without a network connection, try again. Success!!

So what have we learned? First and foremost, we learned that McAfee isn't worth a poop. Secondly, we found that resetting all bank accounts and debit cards and credit cards is a major pain. Take my advice and don't rely on McAfee (or Norton for that matter - they seem to be just as bad). Be proactive and run scans manually and regularly.

And make sure you have a bottle of vodka nearby.

Labels: misc

... a furious magician

... opposed to the big 3 bailout - mostly because Bush has his hands in it

... practicing to be a backup dancer for Beyonce

... looking to sell a Senate seat

... rolling down Sunset on a riding mower

... a BEEFCAKE!

... in negotiations to bump Conan (because he has way better hair, natch)

... wondering if Amanda Peet was really serious about the rope - she seemed convincing

... feeling sorry for Knut

... transfixed by the biggest full moon in 15 years

... the Mad Grunter

... anxiously awaiting The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Mmmm... Cate Blanchett....

... still irked with Time Warner (and computers in general - more on that later)


... currently fighting sleep. Again. Now you know why I'm posting at this hour on a Friday night. Don't tell me I don't know how to have fun!

Labels: Bean

Remember this Shel Silverstein poem?

I'd rather play tennis than go to the dentist.
I'd rather play soccer than go to the doctor.
I'd rather play Hurk than go to work.
Hurk? Hurk? What's Hurk?
I don't know, but it MUST be better than work.

Well, tomorrow go to hurk instead of work. December 10 is No Gays For a Day. Call in queer to work - even if you aren't gay - supporters are always welcome!



Today is my first day back at work. Actually, I'm working part time from home to start. My boss has been great about wanting to modify my schedule so I can get as much Bean time as possible. For the rest of the year, I'm working 2 days per week. The nice thing is that the 2 days are really just 16 hours to be completed whenever I have time. If that means working at 3:00 in the morning on a Sunday because that's when I can get to it, then so be it, just as long as everything's done by the following week. It's perfect.

This is all to say that I won't really be calling in gay tomorrow. I will, however, not do any work, not spend any money and get the word out to as many people as possible. If you could do the same, that would be fab. If you can't miss work, I understand. Here are other ways you can help.

Labels: misc, politics

According to my grandfather, the definition of a good Catholic is an Episcopalian. He knows from whence he speaks - he converted to Catholicism to marry my grandmother. I guess what he means by this is if you want a religion that takes things too far, then the Episcopal church is for you. At least that's what makes the most sense given this New York Times story.

According to the news, some Episcopalians are still cheesed off by the ordination of a gay bishop five years ago. In fact, it's such an affront that they are petitioning to sever from the Episcopal Church and form a new denomination within the Anglican Communion. Heaven forbid that their religion be cheapened by acknowledging gays and lesbians as humans. (This from a group whose leaders are called primates... but I guess that's more an insult to monkeys and apes.) This is just one more reason why religion and spirituality are like chalk and cheese.

Happily, not all Episcopalians share this view.

Jim Naughton, canon for communications and advancement in the Episcopal Diocese of Washington, and a liberal who frequently blogs on Anglican affairs, said he doubted that a rival Anglican province could grow much larger.

"I think this organization does not have much of a future because there are already a lot of churches in the United States for people who don't want to worship with gays and lesbians," he said. "That's not a market niche that is underserved."

And you wonder still why I don't go to church.

Labels: misc, news

FunnyOrDie.com is at it again. We're still quoting from Will Ferrell's "Landlord" sketch. "Can I have 4 beers?" and "I'm just buzzed" are still favorites. Now they have a new one about Prop 8 that's pretty priceless. Jack Black plays Jesus - it just doesn't get much better.

Labels: misc, politics

I never make New Year's resolutions. I figure if I want to change something, then there's no time like the present to get it going. Actually, what it really means is that I can be a complete slack ass and not worry about having to make or maintain a resolution. But you probably figured that out already...

You've probably also gathered that I have an atrocious mouth on me. I can (and do!) swear like a trucker and don't often rein it in. It's just a part of my charm and fuck you if you don't like it.

I had a friend who taught her children that they could only swear if they asked permission. Her thinking was that the kids could know the words, but until they learned when and where those words were appropriate, they needed to ask her first. This was put to the test when her son was getting ready for a school event. She watched from across the gymnatorium as he stubbed the crap out of his toe. Limping, he came over to her and asked if he could please swear. She acquiesced and in a very quiet - yet emphatic - voice he said, "fuck, fuck, fuck." On the other hand, you have the way I was raised. We were taught that there were many more socially acceptable ways of saying something and swearing just meant you were uneducated or at the very least unimaginative.

Which is a perfect segue into my point. We've discussed how to address swearing and raising kids. Since we're still undecided as to which school of thought to follow, I've decided that I need to clean up my potty mouth regardless. I can't very well expect our son not to swear if I'm dropping F-bombs all over the place. As such, I'm going to stop swearing. I'll begin here (where it's easy to edit) and use it as practice for the new year. Maybe as January rolls around, I'll be able to make and keep my very first New Year's resolution. Fuckin' A, man.

Labels: misc

In my life, I've been lucky enough to know three of my great grandparents. By this, I mean that I have distinct memories of times spent with them. From Poppy's retelling of Uncle Wiggly stories, to the time Murphy's snores scared the shit out of me. An additional one or two great grandparents were alive in my life, but they died before I ever knew them.

In Bean's life, the great grandparent list is much smaller and is shrinking. His great grandfather's health isn't the best (he's actually in the hospital as I type). Both great grandmothers suffer(ed) from Alzheimer's and one of them had several recurrences with breast cancer.

Yesterday, Bean's great grand pool got even smaller when my grandmother Mimi passed away. She had Alzheimer's and breast cancer. When the cancer reemerged, she chose not to fight it. I think in her mind it was just a race to the finish. The Alzheimer's was progressing; she knew that she wasn't remembering things and it frustrated her. It hadn't yet gotten to the point of not recognizing her children (which I think is a fresh hell for the non-sufferers), but no new memories were sticking. The cancer was on its third round and I think she felt it was just time. For a woman who always maintained that 60 was old, living 20 some years beyond that was more than enough in her mind.


I'm sorry you never got to meet Mimi, Bean. Maybe in the next life you'll see her. You'll know it's her by the killer good beef stew she makes and the curly hair that it looks like you're inheriting. When you see her again, ask to play tiles with you - she'd like that.

Labels: misc