In the not-too-distant past, I used to run on a solid 8 hours' sleep - 9 if I could get 'em and 10 didn't suck. Fast forward to now and here it is, not even 8:00 in the morning (I fell asleep last night around 1:00) and I've been up long enough to take care of all the pets, prep breakfast for when my sweetie and Bean wake, do dishes and write this post. Who am I??

Labels: misc

A few days ago we took Bean in for his two-month check-up. (Those of you quick with the math will realize that we were about 3.5 weeks late on that. Whoopsie!) Anyway, the doctor confirmed our nagging suspicions: Bean really and truly is a beefcake - in the 95th percentile across the board. I want to get him a onesie that says "Body By Boobie."

Despite his manly proportions, he's still our little Bean. About a week ago he discovered the trick to getting his thumb to land in his mouth. Mind you, he'll still attempt the whole fist, but gets great delight in just thumb sucking. I'm sure I'll be singing a different tune if he's still at it in some years, but for now he's as cute as the dickens doing it. And who am I to discourage my son's motor development?

Also filed under "be careful what you wish for" is his newly acquired ability to roll over. I know it's not a huge deal, but it means his mobility has begun. On the one hand, it'll be really fun to watch our little dude take off. On the other, I want him to stay my little Bean. It's bittersweet.

Damn this parenting anyway...

Labels: Bean, monthly recap

I just read about the presidential invitation I received. As it turns out, one million were printed.

So, how do you like them apples - I really am one in a million!

Labels: misc

Obama sworn in as 44th president



It's about time.


Sadly, this helicopter didn't fall from the sky whilst removing Bush the Stupider from town. I suppose that as long as I don't have see his ugly mug anymore, I'm willing to not wish him dead every day. Occasionally, sure, but not every single day.

Labels: news, politics

Today is MLK Day (and, coincidentally, the eve of the inauguration of our first black president). A day when federal offices, schools and some workplaces take the day off to... um... do what exactly? Go out and renew our fight for civil rights? Work to equalize the standing of all citizens? Reflect on the many facets of discrimination and how we can end them? Because it doesn't seem to me that we do any of this.

First, let me emphatically state that I don NOT begrudge Martin Luther King, Jr. his day. I very much believe in all he stood for and think that the country really should stop on this day and remember why. Why he's remembered, why he fought in the first place, why it is such a tragedy that his life ended far too soon.

However, what I don't get is why MLK should get his own day while other activists do not. Why not César Chávez Day or Harvey Milk Day? (Actually, Chávez does get holiday status, but only in a handful of states.) We afford veterans a day of reflection - and you actually see officials doing something appropriate. It's like this day means as much as getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame - lots of pomp and circumstance, but no substance. (Pat Sajak and Ryan Seacrest have stars. 'Nuff said.)

If all the veterans can have Veteran's Day and presidents can be lumped together into Presidents' Day, then why not create a generic Human Decency Day and then do something meaningful with it? Is it because we don't want it to be just another day that car dealers and mattress stores can use for sales purposes, or is it because we don't want to acknowledge the fact that we really aren't all that kind to our fellow humans?

Tomorrow's inauguration hails the start of a new era. I am hopeful that it will turn the tide on our country's mindset. Gone will be atrocities (I'm looking at you, Gitmo), and in will come more decency. I think it's the best way to honor the memory of Dr. King.

Labels: misc

When we were growing up, my mom always tackwards balked. Believe it or not, I think it has helped me in several ways. For example, I can understand people with thick accents pretty well. Something about always decoding what was being said must have been analogous to learning another language and having that part of my brain stimulated. (Mom sent me a CD of political satire and this piece called "Lirty Dies" was a piece of cake for me to understand. Listen to it and see if you get the gist.)

Anyway, I wonder if the tackwards balking hasn't made me slightly dyslexic in some cases. When I type, my fingers get tripped up and "name" invariably gets typed as "nmae." It's not like it's a hard word or anything. Also the word "revelation" always wants to come out of my mouth as "relevation." Try it - relevation rolls off the tongue really easily, doesn't it? See my problem?

Practice this enough and it's as easy to speak and understand as Pig Latin. Practice too much, and you'll find yourself unintentionally whipping your flurds on "struck me funny" in mixed company...

Labels: misc

I've waited my whole life for a sign that I've finally arrived. I think an embossed invitation from the President-Elect rates favorably.


An embossed invite to a TOTALLY PUBLIC EVENT.

Sigh...

Labels: misc, politics

As I was lying awake this morning, I got to thinking about the passage of time (by "this morning" I mean 3:00, so you'll forgive the way my mind wanders at that hour). A lot has happened in the past year. One year ago we made a drive to Pasadena for two reasons. To adopt our dog, which turned out to be a great decoy for the big reason: getting pregnant. We had told family and friends that we were going to kick off the baby business in the beginning of 2008. Prior to even doing anything, we were fielding questions about starting. "Did you start? No? How about now?"

On Saturday January 13, 2008 we went to the doctor's office to get the first round of insemination. A teeny tiny vial of the important stuff, a syringe and a 5-minute wait later, and we were back in the car on our way to the Humane Society. There we got Finn and went home to give our families the big news of the day.

"We got a dog!"

See, by getting a dog the same weekend, we neatly avoided having to talk about the insemination process - I mean, what kind of crazyhead goes and gets knocked up at the same time she gets a new pet? It's not at all that we weren't excited by the prospect, in fact it was quite the opposite. The news was an amazing little jewel that we wanted to keep between us. Plus, if nothing came of it, then we didn't want to repeat the calls and tell everyone we'd be trying again the next month.

The next day (one year ago exactly) we went back for another round with the tiny vials. Though we can never be sure which vial held the winning swimmer, we both feel like that Sunday was the day I got pregnant. Don't ask me why, it just felt like that was the day.

We've spent the last 365 days reveling in the creation and birth of our absolutely amazing baby boy. Ain't it amazing how time flies?

Labels: Bean

I'm no champion of Wal-Mart, but I though this bit of news was worth sharing.

Wal-Mart announced that sometime in 2009, it will begin offering customers a new discount item... Wal-Mart's own brand of wine.

The world's largest retail chain is rumored to be teaming up with Ernest & Julio Gallo Winery of California to produce the spirits at an affordable price -- in the $2 to $5 range.

Wine connoisseurs may not be inclined to put a bottle of the Wal-Mart brand into their shopping carts, but "There is a market for inexpensive wine," said Kathy Micken, Professor of Marketing at University of Arkansas, Bentonville. "However, branding will be very important."

Customer surveys were conducted to determine the most attractive name for the Wal-Mart wine brand. The top surveyed names in order of popularity were:

• Chateau Traileur Parc


• White Trashfindel


• Big Red Gulp


• World Championship Riesling


• NASCARbernet


• Chef Boyardeaux


• Peanut Noir


• I Can't Believe It's Not Vinegar


• Grape Expectations


• Nasti Spumante

The beauty of Wal-Mart wine is that it can be served with either white meat (possum) or red meat (squirrel).

P.S. Don't bother writing back that this is a hoax. I know possum is not a white meat.

Even better than Two Buck Chuck!!

(Thanks to Mom for sending this. I can always use a good chuckle.)

Labels: misc, news

Several news sources are talking about some really serious stuff. Namely, the return of man fur. Thick, tufty mats of chest hair. I am no fan of it, but then again, certain "lifestyle choices" have exempted me from even needing to think about it. (Thank. God.) It seems that manscaping is out and au naturel is in.

Alec Baldwin's rug of love would once again be seen as desirable:


But this guy is probably still out of luck in the sexy department:


Now, here's my question: if it's sexy again for men to be hairy, then will Brazilians fall out of favor for women, or will the double standard persist? If you're going to say the economy is the reason for no more chest waxing, then wouldn't the same crappy economy affect women, too?

Labels: news

I don't usually have much luck walking into the library and doing a random shelf dip. Luckily, I'm not out any money for having tried, but I also don't have a good book to read as a result. A friend gave me books for Christmas and it has again whet my appetite. In this vein, what good books have you read lately? Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.

In no particular order:

• Atlas Shrugged


• Fall on Your Knees (yes, it's an Oprah book and no, I don't care)


• Eat, Pray, Love


• Middlesex


• The Time Traveler's Wife

If you can't think of anything from your recent past, then hit me with your all-time faves.

Labels: recommendations

I hate to exercise. I know it's something I should do, but getting me motivated is close to impossible. I can also be very compelling in getting those around me to succumb to slothdom. I mean, which would you rather do: snuggle in bed, or go for a hike at the crack of dawn? True, the panoramic view from Runyon Canyon is pretty impressive, but that doesn't mean I'm ever going to drag my butt from bed just after the sun has risen to see it. My sweetie used to go with a friend and hike at that ungodly hour, but I felt no such compulsion. Instead, I did my level best to maintain the perfect temperature in bed (a job I did quite well, I might add).

Fast forward to now. I have given birth and, though I'm pretty close to my pre-pregnancy weight, the ways in which said weight are distributed are less than flattering. Which means it's time to bite the bullet and get off my duff. So I turned to an exercise DVD: 30 Day Shred. I thought it'd be a decent compromise - getting in a workout while watching Jillian Michaels' hot bod. The good news is I'm actually sticking to it. The bad news is the first level has been handing. me. my. ass. The jury's still out on whether or not it's a worthwhile endeavor. At the end of 30 days, if I haven't died, I'll let you know.

Labels: misc

Larry Flynt is requesting a $5 billion bailout. For real. According to him, "People are too depressed to be sexually active... Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex." Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis went on to say, "the US government should actively support the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to support any other industry cherished by the American people."

Excuse me, did he say CHERISHED?? I'm curious. If Hustler can actually get a government bailout, which industry would be next? And if Flynt is correct in his assertion that we need sex more than cars, does that path not seem to turn the wrong direction? Don't get me wrong, I think sex is a very necessary aspect of human life. According to Maslow's 5 basic needs sex is right up there with breathing (and pooping). Look at Catholic priests - they don't get any and they're totally wackadoo. However, dontcha think stuff like food, clothing and shelter are a little more important to our country? Do you think it's right that nookie should get a handout over national healthcare?

I'm just sayin'...

Labels: news

A friend asked how many different names we have for Bean. It's funny that she asked, because we have all kinds of nicknames: Smooshie, Doodle, Boo Boo Kiddie, a hundred variations on Bean, and Buddha. The last one may seem the oddest, until you look at an image of a laughing Buddha. Bean looks way cuter, but the way he gets his whole face involved in a grin is - like the Buddha - infectious. The kicker is that he will wake up like this. It's a lesson I could stand to learn. I typically wake up thinking that getting up is stupid. Bean, on the other hand, wakes and looks around like the whole world is a joke and he's one of the few people in on it. He's eleven weeks old and he already has the answer to life figured out. I am in constant awe.

I think it's a trick he picked up from his cousin:


(Believe it or not, that little baby turned 8 today. I can't believe it. It seems like only yesterday my sister sent this photo and said it was her laughing pooper face. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MISS J!!)

Labels: Bean

Well, the obvious reason is it's a cold weather sport. Cold weather and I get along not one bit. In fact, I think it only took me 15 minutes to acclimate to California temps. Having spent far too much of my life near Cleveland (and never having enjoyed the 6 months of snow per year or the sub-zero days), I never again want to hear the words "lake effect snow." The only thing I find the least bit redeeming about skiing is the lodge. Sitting around drinking warm adult beverages in front of a roaring fire is more my speed.

And then you read stories like this. Hanging upside down from a lift with your pants around your knees, your bits exposed to the cold and an enlarged image of your bare rear on the BBC website - these would be more reasons to never ski. It reminds me of the old joke about the skier who needed to pee. Really, is it any wonder why I don't bother with the white stuff?

My sweetie says this post should have been written thusly:

Why I don't ski

The End.

Labels: misc, news

The Chinese dairy scandal is, to my way of thinking, a snapshot of all that is wrong with industry. Avarice... deceit... death. And then, to top it all off, they had the unmitigated gall to send an apology by texting people. Are they kidding???? This is what you'd expect from someone who'd just given you a paper cut, for crying out loud, not from huge corporations who have CAUSED THE ILLNESS OR DEATH OF YOUR BABY.

Trials have begun and I have no sympathy for any of the defendants. None. In fact, one defendant lost the use of his legs (not sure if this means they're broken or he's paralyzed) after a botched suicide attempt. I'm actually glad the attempt failed. I think he should be held accountable for this atrocity and not get to take the quick/easy way out. It's part of what got him into this mess in the first place!

My heart goes out to those affected by this. Only the education and action of the public will be able to slow the tide of malfeasance, both industrial and political. To encapsulate it, I quote the bumper sticker that reads, "If you aren't outraged, you aren't paying attention."

Labels: misc, news, please try again

If only it seemed like postpartum depression - the uncontrollable crying or the thoughts of suicide - I'd be able to identify it. Instead, I find myself in a state of what? postpartum rage maybe? It's constant. At best, it's below the surface and somewhat controlled. Much of the time, however (and unfortunately), it presents as me being a chronic grump. I snap at the least provocation and, in my mind, I'm doing some very unfriendly things to those closest to me.

And don't even get me started on the whereabouts of my sex drive. It's like I'm playing Marco Polo with my libido. For one who is normally very interested and who rarely needs encouragement, I am now sexually anorexic. This plays (I'm sure heavily) into the snapping and fighting, too. Talk about insult to injury.

The only times I feel sane and peaceful are when I'm alone with Bean, and even that's not a sure thing. My fickle moods have me wanting nothing more than to be alone with him, only to be resentful of the fact that I can't be away from him for more than an hour or two. The really messed up aspect of this is I have a very understanding partner who would gladly make either scenario a reality, but I can't seem to hold onto one desire long enough to make that happen.

So. For the girl who never makes New Year's resolutions, it seems I now have two: to clean up my language and to find a therapist, stat. Anyone have any recommendations?

Labels: misc