I just wanted to do a very abbreviated post to let you all know that our Bean finally arrived in the wee hours of yesterday. To be specific, he was born 10/23/08 at 2:38 am and weighed in at 9 pounds, 1 ounce. Squeezing out a nine pounder has left me a little tender if you catch me, so please be patient while we all settle in and I return to normal. Details to come...

Labels: anticipating, Bean

I had to call the OB to schedule an appointment for a biophysical profile. Basically, they just want to make sure there's still enough water in the pool for Bean. I've been to the office a few times and they're nice, but certainly not overly-effusive. My call to schedule the appointment was all the funnier as a result.

RECEPTIONIST
Doctor's office.

ME
Hi, I need to schedule a biophysical profile.

RECEPTIONIST
Have you been in before?

ME
Yes.

RECEPTIONIST
Name?

ME
Seeta. S-E-E-T-A

(keyboard clicking in background)

RECEPTIONIST
STILL??!?!?! Ohhh, honey!! How are you??


So even the receptionist is feeling me at this point. I don't know whether to be bolstered by the what? camaraderie? or depressed that near perfect strangers are pitying me.

Labels: anticipating, Bean

We took a break from email and phone yesterday. It's getting old to say "nope, nothing yet" every cotton-pickin' day. Once again, nothing to report. I'm torn between trying everything shy of pitocin (so far we've given acupuncture, foot rubs, blue cohosh, black cohosh, nipple stimulation, sex, membrane sweeping, walks, stairs and red wine a try - all to no avail) and just letting it be. As it stands, we have a firm eviction date of 10/24 before it's off to Cedars Sinai for us. I can't imagine Bean wouldn't make its grand entrance before Friday, but, then again, I never thought I'd be more than two weeks overdue, either.

Early on in the pregnancy our midwife told us she was taught to never say anything other than "You look fantastic!" to a pregnant woman. Sound advice. I'm now going to add to that. If a woman is 40+ weeks pregnant, then trust me nobody is more anxious than her to be done with the pregnancy. In such cases, you can say things like "I'm sorry - that must be making you insane," or perhaps fall back on "You look fantastic!" Questions like "Still no baby?" or "When are you going to induce?" will only serve to irritate and drive her deeper into a funk.

Since I know you all are kind and wouldn't try to make me even more depressed, let me beat you to the punch. Yes, it's making me insane and Nat says I look fantastic (dirty liar that she is). Thanks for asking.

Labels: anticipating, Bean

Sorry to disappoint... Still pregnant. We went to get an ultrasound this morning. Everything looks just fine and the doctor wasn't all "ohmygod - we need to induce!" which was nice. So the game plan is this: take it easy this weekend, relax and go to my happy place. If nothing happens, then on Monday our midwife will break my water and I'll even try (shuddder) castor oil. Since castor oil basically amounts to me shitting this child into the world, let's all cross our fingers that something happens of its own accord this weekend, m-kay?

Labels: anticipating

Whilst still in utero, Bean is proving to be part of the family. My family has been extraordinarily bull-headed for at least five generations. Seeing as it's now 11 days past my due date, Bean is showing himself/herself to be one of us. This is after at least 3 days at 80% effacement, a +1 station, 2-3 cm dilated, after membrane stripping, after acupuncture (which supposedly has success rates so high they're lucky to even get to the hospital in time after a treatment)... Notice a pattern here? Bean's so stubborn that Slime Warner won the race - who'd a thunk it?? (As of this morning, email's back, so I guess I should be thankful on at least one front!)

Looks like a few loooooong walks and maybe even this stupid salad are up for today.

Labels: anticipating, Bean

The stripping this morning was okay. As it turns out, I was pretty much ready to go on my own. We did it anyway to see if things would speed along. Here it is, 9 hours later, and there's nothing to report. Granted, our midwife said to expect something in 24-48 hours, but I'm an impatient bitch.

Like you didn't know.

Pregnancy-wise, I'm in a decent space. However, because it seems the pissed off quotient hadn't been met for the day, our email decided to quit working. Several calls to various support people has resulted in a promised solution in 24-48 hours. Gee, THANKS, Slime Warner! Luckily, web connectivity is still around, so keep checking here. If you sent an email in the last day and haven't heard back, you know why. We're not ignoring you. We're ignoring everybody. :)

Which do you think will win? Will we have a baby or working email first? The race is on!

Labels: anticipating, Bean, misc

Who me? Oh, I'm fine... still pregnant. And you?

Our midwife's sick today, so no stripping until tomorrow. I was talking with my mom about the process and she likened it to "scraping off that white bit of goo on a chicken breast." Not the most appealing thought, but (as I pointed out) you're not eating this anyway. Ick. What is appealing is the thought that, if the process works, Bean could be here 24 hours later. Wouldn't that be a loverly change of pace?

So, while I sit here with my thumb up my butt counting down the hours until then, it seems Ringo Starr is doing enough stuff to make up for my inertia. In fact, he's doing so much stuff that he just can't be bothered by fans any longer. Any fan mail postmarked after October 20 will be unceremoniously trashed, and Ringo will no longer be signing any autographs. Click here to hear the message straight from the horse's ass mouth. Because he's busy, busy, busy! Doing stuff! Can't be bothered!

Peace and love, peace and love... Whatever.

Labels: anticipating, Bean, misc

It's time. Jumping jacks, long walks, spicy foods - anything. Tomorrow I have an appointment with our midwife to strip my membranes (an event which has me humming "Strip" ad nauseum). If that doesn't get things going, then it's off to the OB for a biophysical profile. Basically, he'll do an ultrasound and determine if an induction needs to be scheduled. This has two downsides. One, insurance only covers about a buck eighty (thanks for nothing!) and two, I don't want to be induced.

Cross your fingers that Bean takes our advice and comes out on its terms, not the doctor's.

Labels: anticipating, Bean

You all know about Sarah Palin being investigated for abusing her power as governor, right? If not here's the gist in a nutshell: Palin's sister was fighting for custody with her ex (Mike Wooten), who happened to be a state trooper. I guess since blood's thicker than water, Sarah used her office to put pressure on her former brother-in-law's boss (Walter Monegan) to fire Wooten. But Monegan wasn't playing ball and said the trooper had done nothing wrong. So Palin fired the boss instead.

Take THAT!

Understandably, Monegan is crying foul. Palin is responding, saying his dismissal wasn't for that reason, it was because of a "budgetary dispute." My Aunt Fannie it is.

Anyway, since this is all over the interweb, it's making the McCain camp hurry up and conduct its own investigation - you know, since they're so unbiased an' all. Here's the part you've been waiting for and I know will just be shocked to read:

"The McCain campaign on Thursday issued its own report, written by its staff, stating that the Alaska governor was not guilty of any wrongdoing."

[Sniff, sniff] Smell that? That's the unmistakable aroma of bullshit, right there.

.....

In considerably more uplifting news, Connecticut has just joined Massachusetts and California in legalizing gay marriage. In its ruling, the State Supreme Court said:

"To decide otherwise would require us to apply one set of constitutional principles to gay persons and another to all others. The guarantee of equal protection under the law, and our obligation to uphold that command, forbids us from doing so. In accordance with these state constitutional requirements, same sex couples cannot be denied the freedom to marry."

Welcome to the party, Connecticut. As for the rest of the country, what's taking you so long?

And, if you haven't already decided to do so (and you live in California), then Vote NO on Prop 8. You may or may not agree with gay marriage, but it's not fair to anyone to just take away rights.

.....

Oh, and in case you're wondering, yes I'm still pregnant.

Labels: anticipating, news, politics

I know I'm only a few days beyond my due date, but it's really starting to bum me out. Today's my sweetie's birthday. I didn't want her to share it with Bean, nor did I want to still be pregnant. I am so ready for this little bugger to be out. It's making me intensely moody and cranky - exactly the right environment to welcome a baby. I can't think straight, I'm not getting along with myself or others, and I wonder if I'm not going a little insane. Maybe if I'm really lucky this afternoon's midwife appointment will show that I'm 8 centimeters dilated and hours away from pushing. A girl can dream, after all.

Labels: anticipating, Bean

Do I post about Sarah Palin (again) and how Tina Fey perfectly captured her once again? ("Can I call you Joe, 'cause I practiced some zingers calling you Joe..." "Wait - we're not doing the talent segment?"), or do I talk about how I'm still pregnant and oh so ready to not be?

If I go the Palin route, I can mention my sweetie's suggestion. She thinks that replacing "maverick" with "asshat" every time the word is uttered would make for much more entertaining television.

If I go the pregnancy route, then all you get is talk of me wondering how the hell I get this baby out of my belly, which would sound like the anti-Austin Powers.

Either way, it kinda sucks to be you, since you got all the way to this point of the post without getting anything worthwhile. Good thing this was brief.

Labels: anticipating, news

Today's the day. D-day. Bean's official due date. However, it seems Bean didn't get that memo. It's almost 2:30 in the afternoon, and I feel no twinges. Not that today is totally ruled out - after all, I could go into labor in the next two seconds.

Onnne Mississippi...

...

Twoooooo Mississippi...

...

Two and a hallllllf Mississippi...

Crapper.

Looks like walking the neighborhood whilst self-pleasuring is what I must do. The things you do for your kids...

Labels: anticipating, Bean

Groan... I officially still have a couple days before I'm due. Yes, I know that first-time moms often go late, but I'm finished. Does that count for anything? Bean's just getting fat and happy at this point, so is it okay for me to begin eviction proceedings?

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN

To: __Bean___

The purpose of this letter is to ask you to LEAVE the premises now in your possession, situated in _Los Angeles____, California and known as __Mama's belly___. You are being asked to leave for the following reason: __Mama's finished____.

Your compliance with this notice within [___3____] days after its service will prevent any further eviction action against you. (But now's good too.)

YOU ARE BEING ASKED TO LEAVE THE PREMISES. IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE, AN EVICTION ACTION MAY BE INITIATED AGAINST YOU. IF YOU ARE IN DOUBT REGARDING YOUR LEGAL RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS AS A TENANT, IT IS RECOMMENDED THAT YOU SEEK LEGAL ASSISTANCE.

Yours respectfully,

__Mama_____

According to the old wives tales, nipple massage and walking are great ways to get the ball rolling, too. Somehow I think I'd get more than a start to labor if I walked around the neighborhood tweaking my own boobies. Then again, this is L.A...

Labels: anticipating, Bean

I've had a great pregnancy. No morning sickness - not even any nausea - and very few complaints overall. But now I'm finished. The Sugar Nazis have me restricted: no refined sugars, flours or white rice. I've also become the proud owner of some kicking cankles and sleeping exclusively on my left has given me a wicked knot in my mid back. (For some good entertainment, make me try and roll from one side to the other, or try calling me when my cell phone's just out of reach. Good times.)

Most moms-to-be eagerly anticipate the arrival of their little ones. Don't get me wrong, I want to meet Bean really badly. However, I'm also anxiously awaiting the time that I can eat a donut, have a gin and tonic and sleep on my stomach. It's the simple things, really...

Labels: anticipating, Bean

As of today, I'm (officially) one week away from my due date. Although 99% of people think this is a boy, my sister and the waitress at Canter's think it's a girl. Melissa thinks we know and are keeping mum about it. Not true. It'll be interesting to see who's right. It'll also be interesting to see who in the baby pool has the closest date guess. The earliest was for today (sorry, Denise, it's not looking too promising for you) and the latest is for October 13 (and that one's not gonna be a winner either - jumping jacks will commence long before then).

In anticipation of the birth, we're making a big ol' pan of lasagna and a monster iTunes playlist. Don't tell me we aren't prepared!

Labels: anticipating, Bean

I have become fascinated by my belly button. Ok, maybe 'fascinated' is an overstatement (or maybe I need to do more to fill my days...). Regardless, have you noticed that this is an area that mommy blogs, advice sites and medical professionals don't address? No? Hmmm... maybe I do need to get out more.

Anyway, my point in this is that before pregnancy I had a pretty deep belly button. Now, at 9.5 months pregnant, it's practically disappeared. No outey, no inney, just nothing. I have a zero navel.

...

Ok, fine. I'll go out and do something. Sheesh. I was just making idle conversation...

Labels: anticipating

Friday was my last day at work and I am now officially on maternity leave. Can I get a hallelujah? So far I've spent the time interviewing pediatricians, having the car seat inspected (results on my attempt: FAIL), scrubbing the bathroom, cleaning the house, going to a midwife appointment and making hotel reservations for family. I've also spent the time reading, lazing about, taking naps and playing with the dog.

Not once have I set an alarm and it has been so effing great. Aside from the whole "getting paid" part, who needs work?

Labels: anticipating

T-minus uh.... somethingteen days until Bean's arrival. Time to get this blog a-rollin'.

Labels: anticipating, Bean