Apparently, Bed Bath & Beyond hates babies. Maybe they have a thing against carrying baby stuff. Or perhaps they feel that parents shouldn't catch a break on their pricing.

We got one of those ubiquitous 20% off coupons from BBB. We were going to use the coupon to buy an ERGO, so out of curiosity, I read the fine print. See if you can spot the trend:

Not valid for the purchase of gift cards, All-Clad, Alessi, Baby Jogger, Baby Planet, BOB, Bugaboo, Bumbleride, Capresso, DKNY, ERGOBaby, iJoy, kate spade, Lenox, Maclaren, Margaritaville, Maxi-Cosi, Miele, Monique Lhuillier, Mountain Buggy, Mutsy, Nambe, Nautica, Orbit Baby, Oreck, Orrefors Kosta Boda, Pediped, Peg Perego, Phil & Teds, NettoCollection, CUBKids by Netto, Quinny, Richard Ginorini, Riedel, Robeez, Shooting Stars Portrait Studio, Stokke, Svan, Tempur-Pedic, Tommy Bahama, Uppa Baby Products, Vera Wang, Versace, Waterford, Wedgwood or Wusthof products,

Twenty-one (21) out of forty-five (45) are baby products... you could even argue that the other brands have something to do with babies. When Bean graduates from the Moby wrap to the ERGO, guess where we won't be buying it? Where's the love, Bed Bath and Beyond?

Labels: misc, please try again

One of my favorite getting to know you/dinner party/bored and curious questions is "if we all lived on a commune, what would be your contribution?" I find it interesting because it shows what people truly enjoy. (It's also a little depressing to hear how few of us are actually doing what we wish we could be doing.) For my contribution I'd be a furniture maker. Never mind the fact that I've only made a few tables in my life, or that my woodworking tools were left behind when we moved to LA. The smell of sawdust and the calming repetition of hand planing soothes me and I enjoy it tremendously.

Eventually, we want to buy a house here, and when we do, I'm getting my wood shop back together. I'd love it if that shop could be my little cottage industry. Over the weekend I made a bed rail for Bean. It took me all of 20 minutes, but it felt really good. I'd rather the kids see me producing something tangible than wondering why Mama's such a crank after being in the office all day. The only downside is money. They say the only way to end up with a little bit of money from woodworking is to start with a great, big pile of it and watch as you piss it away. This is why the commune question is illuminating. In a perfect world, money wouldn't be a consideration.

What about you? If money/time/ability weren't a problem, what would your contribution be?

Labels: misc, time wasters

Most of Bean's advances come quickly. Others are more slowly improved upon. Take, for example, going to sleep. Without being all hippy dippy about it, we tend to fall in line with attachment parenting. (It's more because I'm loathe to put him down than anything else. Plus, a sleeping baby is a really cute thing to (be)hold.) As such, Bean falls asleep in our arms probably 80% of the time. However, working from home means that you have to actually do work. On the computer. Over top a sleeping Bean. Yes, I love my chiropractor, but no, I don't think seeing him weekly is the way to go.

All of this is the long way of explaining what we call his nest. We take one of the cushions off the back of the couch, put his nursing pillow in the void, and prop him up. He can sit there and keep himself happy for quite some time. Teething toys are his favorite (and by "teething toys" I mean anything that fits in his mouth), but he's equally entertained by the view through the window or by talking with us. But the best thing about his nest is that he now falls asleep there. On his own. Nice, long naps without the requirement of Mama's lap. Ahhhh...

Labels: Bean

I'm a little late on this news, but have you heard about Alfie Patten? He's the 13-year-old British kid who became a father earlier this month. A dad. At 13. His girlfriend is 15, but jeezy creezy. At thirteen I was so socially awkward that I wasn't even at the hand holding phase, yet here's this kid who has not only become a father, but is asking for a paternity test!

poll by twiigs.com

Labels: news

They say a baby develops more rapidly in the first year of life than they ever will. I totally get it. I do these recaps monthly, but I swear Bean is learning new stuff daily. It's an amazing thing to watch a kid's brain at work. And it's fast. When he figures something out, it's almost like you can see the tiny cogs shift into place and then he's off to the races with that new skill.

This past month it's his feet. Bean is absolutely entranced by them. (And who can blame him? They are the cutest piggies I've ever seen!) Every second he can, he's grabbing them, talking to them, studying them... The other night, I changed his diaper in the wee hours (ha! "wee" hours... diaper change... I kill me) and he wasn't even awake, but as soon as his feet were freed from his PJs, *pop!* up they went into his hands. Same m.o. while having tummy time. The rolling over that was beginning last month is now just a means of getting to his feet. It goes something like this:

• On tummy - squirm, stick butt up in air, push legs in semi-crawling pattern (which is another new skill this month)


• Get bored and rest


• Decide that you haven't seen feet in more than a minute


• Roooolllllll over


• Land on back


• *POP!* feet in hands

It's quite charming. It also means that socks don't stand a chance.

Labels: Bean, monthly recap

Bean was snoozing in the wrap today. In the not-too-distant past, he was just a tiny thing, grunting away in his sleep. Fast forward to now and his grunting has become full on snoring.


I feel for his future bed partners...

Labels: Bean

I came across an online quiz that tests your lesbian-ness. Since I'm sitting here with a sleeping Bean and nothing better to do, I took the quiz. A dozen questions later and it turns out...



[wait for it]



I am 38% lesbian and "either [I am] a male and therefore cannot be a lesbian... or else [I am] a very very straight woman!"

Ummmm...

Could someone explain to me how a woman who has considered herself gay for the last 15+ years, who has been with women exclusively for that period of time, and who has a son whose birth certificate has two women's names on it can be only 38 percent lesbian?

Sweetie took it, too, and she scored a 33%. Methinks this quiz is off a bit (or the quiz's author is trying to hide that she's a big, ol' lesbo).

Labels: misc, time wasters

The votes are in and, though I didn't win, I was thrilled to even be invited to the dance. When you consider that I've been at this for such a short time, and already got some recognition from all y'all, it makes me very proud and extraordinarily thankful. Aside from the personal recognition, I'm happy to see a growing awareness of this little slice of life. That an award category for Best Lesbian Parenting blog even exists is pretty cotton pickin' cool.

Sincere congratulations to the winner in this category - Lesbian Dad. Take some time and pop over to her site, because that is some damn fine reading. Also support the other winners, and lesbian blogs in general. You'll find your life enriched for the experience.

Labels: misc

Wondering why today's post is so late? Of course you are. I've spent the better part of my day trying to wade through tax code to figure out how to file. If you are a gay couple and are registered domestic partners AND you had the nerve to have a child in the last tax year, then boy are you in for some fun!!

The federal government considers me head of household (HOH). They came to this conclusion because I have a dependent for whom I provided more than half of the financial support. As a result, Uncle Sam will be giving me a nice little chunk of change. Cheers!

In California, we are registered domestic partners, but this is in conflict with my HOH federal filing status. In order for my state filing status to match my federal, I have to either A) change federal status to married (which I can't, so thanks for nothing on that front, US government!) or B) lie on my state return and say that we didn't live together for more than half the year (which totally plays into the religious right's hand about how we are flaky and our relationships don't last). H&R Block gives me a great way to circumvent this. (That's sarcasm, in case it didn't translate.)

For me to be able to file electronically - without lying - I have to:

• create a federal return as HOH


• file said return electronically


• go back and create a SECOND federal return, this time as married, filing separately - we won't even get into the fact that doing so doubles the amount of time this will take


• do not file this return, but use it for state


• create a state return as married, filing separately


• mail in state return, lest an electronic submission show a conflict


• delete second federal return

It makes me want to smack those sanctity of marriage morons more than I regularly want to.

If you find yourself in the same boat, here are a couple resources we found to be helpful: H&R Block's advice and an article in the San Francisco Chronicle.

Labels: misc

Anyone with kids will tell you how quickly time flies. I am here to tell you that is no joke. Looking at Bean as a newborn versus him now is a wonder. He's twice as big, but I never saw him grow. Before you go saying I'm crazy (which I am, but that's not the point), think about a clock. Provided your clock has a decent set of inner workings, you can't really see the minute hand move. The movements only register if you have a jump or (forgive the pun) time-lapse shots. Putting up images this past week as your voting bribe has been a little like that.

It's hard for me to believe that this blog began 100 posts ago (whoo - milestone!) and the little guy above is the same one who has these nudie chubbins now. The newborn cries are now squeals of delight. The feet pulled up instinctively are now grabbed purposefully. And the amount of love I felt when he was born has magnified each and every day. If I could bottle up this time... well, that would just make me a chronic huffer later.

(Oh, and those diapers above? Size one and roomy. Now size three are looking a bit snug.)

Labels: Bean

I remember as a kid asking my dad if he thought there was such a thing as aliens. He said it was his belief that the universe seemed an awfully big place for our planet to have its only inhabitants. I'm inclined to agree and it seems NASA is on the same page. What I've never understood, however, is NASA's approach to finding other lifeforms.

We have all kinds of rovers, probes and orbiting paraphernalia reporting back and everyone gets all atwitter if there are any "signs of life." What the heck do we know about life on other planets? Just because there is ancient evidence of water doesn't mean squat (other than the fact that there once was water on the planet). What if the alternate lifeforms were/are allergic to water? What if our definition of water is the lifeform? What if our water is a portal to other universes? It's a very Earth-centric point of view. Kind of like having a Miss Universe pageant - has Miss Vega ever entered?

Finally, scientists are asking these questions. If they had just come to me first, this would have been so much easier. For a bunch of eggheads, they sure are dumb...


Apropos of none of this, Wednesday is the last day to vote for this blog. Remember you can vote once per day, so keep it up - this is the home stretch! Bean's so excited that you've been voting that he had to bite his hand (and mine).

(I guess you could say he's my little green man. How's that for a tie-in?)

Labels: news

"He had a blow out."

"Again? He just pooped ten minutes ago!"

"Well, then what's that spot on his pants?"

"I dunno - is it poop juice? Here - smell it."

If you can go through this scenario AND you actually smell the spot, then you've officially passed the parent test. A world of wonder and excrement are in store for you.

(Yeah, I smelled it. It was poop juice.)

Labels: Bean, misc

Today is the day when single people bemoan their singledom and couples across the country engage in ridiculous acts of clichéd romance. Heaven forbid you just say "I love you" - and mean it - on any old day. Noooo... you need the blessings of the greeting card industry and a stuffed bear clutching a satin heart to adequately convey your emotions. I know it will shock you to hear that I've never been much a fan of Valentine's Day. Thankfully, my sweetie feels the same. Now that a baby's in the picture, it's even more ridiculous.

I look at photos of candlelit, rose petal strewn bedrooms and laugh. Our bedroom, by comparison, stacks up like this:

THEIRS	OURS
candlelight	nightlight
scattered rose petals	burp cloths everywhere
romantic music	the melodious sounds of Bean making one of his signature crappuccinos
champagne	breast milk
slinky lingerie	XXL t-shirt given to me by the car dealership - complete with breast milk stains
sex toys and lube	teething rings and spit

And finally:

THEIRS	OURS

Somehow I don't think this is the image Hallmark was going for...

Labels: misc

Whenever there's something hot in the news, I'm at a crossroads: do I follow the story and keep abreast of pop culture, or do I take a contrarian stance and purposely not follow along? Such is my dilemma with Nadya Suleman. The woman is clearly disturbed, and following along isn't too far off from paying a penny to watch the lunatics at Bedlam. However, you'd need to crawl under a rock to not be bombarded with stories about her.

On the one hand, I'm pretty torqued off that I'm paying for her irresponsibility. On the other, my contribution to her litter is like a fart in a windstorm. Her's is a very touchy subject, because it's a slippery slope. Do you have any right tell people how many children they can have (I'm looking at you, Duggar family)? Can you mandate that, before undergoing IVF, she must first have a partner in all of this? Could you withhold financial assistance after X number of children?

And then there's the chain of lunacy: Nadya's clearly off her nut and I don't have the time to go into how crazy she is; her parents are culpable (yes, I can see why and how they wouldn't/couldn't put their child and grandchildren on the street, but I sure as shootin' would be A) filing for custody and B) getting my child some serious therapy if I were them); the doctor who agreed to implant so many embryos; the friend who donated the sperm... It's like a perfect storm.

Nadya is a smaller scale of what our country is going through. She was shortsighted, excessive and had complete disregard for how her actions could affect more than just herself. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? Kind of like the mortgage, banking and/or auto industries...

As for me, I don't need 14 children to fill a void in my life. I'm perfectly happy with one:

Labels: news

While I'll admit this whole mom thing is still pretty new, I'd also like to think I'm a fairly quick study. Over the course of these past few months I've learned all kinds of fun things like: make sure the clean diaper is ready right away so we don't all get (ahem) showered; never leave the house without at least one set of nipple pads in place; holding the phone up to Bean so the grandmothers can hear him rarely works (even if he'd been talking a blue streak only moments earlier)... New to the game is the realization we had last night about my diet.

Yesterday's intake included black bean soup for lunch and bean nachos for dinner. Yeah.... COLOSSALLY BAD IDEA. Last night, none of us got sleep as our little guy cried constantly, writhing in pain from his poor gassy belly. Already we've changed three explosive diapers since 3am.

NEW HOUSEHOLD RULE: Beans for Bean is a shitty idea.

Labels: Bean

You like me, you really like me! Of all the lesbian parenting blogs out there, my lil ol' blog has been nominated as one of the Top 3 Parenting blogs by TheLesbianLifestyle.com. Can you believe it?! Many thanks to all who got me this far - y'all rock.

Now that I'm in the running, I'm going to whore myself out again (I have no shame) and ask that you vote. You can vote once every 24 hours and the voting continues until February 18. So tell your friends, tell your sweetie, heck, tell the milkman to vote for me. (Don't forget to click the confirmation link in your email, else the vote doesn't count!)

To sweeten the pot, I promise a new photo of Bean every day until voting ends. Again, no shame. Here's your first taste:

Labels: misc

Say you're really cheesed off at someone. To add insult to injury, said person shows no remorse. What if there was a dedicated Apology Day and that person could (or was forced to?) apologize. Would that make you feel any better? Author Tom Perrotta thinks it would. He believes that a national Grievance Day followed by a national Apology Day will make the world a better place.

Though the idea sounds lovely, I have to disagree. Already, the words "I'm sorry" have been diluted into nothingness. "I'm sorry" is used to convey everything from "Oops, I got mustard on you" to "I just ran over your grandmother." That little phrase has a whole lot of ground to cover. The same can be said of "I love you," though to a lesser degree. It's kind of like our national debt. When you've used a word (in this case "trillion") too often, it becomes irrelevant. A trillion dollars no longer seems like such a big deal.

Seems to me then that an Apology Day would be just another drop in a leaky bucket. Why bother?

Labels: misc, news

My mom says she gets a kick out of how much I get a kick out of being a mom. I really do love it. From conception all the way until now, it's been a joy having Bean in my life.

Except for one thing. It's not the late night feedings or the explosive diapers, like one may think. It's my bra. Specifically how I've worn one almost 24/7 (except for when showering) since October. I am *really* tired of my boulder holder.

Just thought I'd share.

Labels: misc

Before moving here, we heard a litany of reasons why we'd hate LA. The smog, the plastic people, the traffic... After living here 3+ years, the one thing I agree with is the traffic. It's ridiculous. The 101 is always congested. We've driven over it in the wee hours of a weeknight, only to see it backed up. Like I said - ridiculous. Thankfully, the fault seems to lie in quantity, not quality. Drivers here are no worse than the drivers I've seen in other cities.

Take, for example, the little old man I saw in an Ohio DMV. He was easily 80-years-old. I watched as he tottered up to the counter to take his visual exam. Here's pretty much how it went down:


DMV Employee (indicating)
Go ahead and press your forehead against the bar on this machine.

Little Old Man
Huh?

DMV Employee (louder)
I said, "Go ahead and press your forehead against the bar on this machine."

Little Old Man (cupping ear)
What?

DMV Employee (louder and pantomiming)
Press your forehead here!!"

Little Old Man
Oh, okay.

DMV Employee (practically shouting)
Read me the smallest line on the eye chart you can manage.

Little Old Man
"E"

DMV Employee
...
Can you read anything smaller?

Little Old Man
No.

DMV Employee
Okay.
Now we're going to test your peripheral vision. Do you see a flashing light?

Little Old Man (cupping ear)
What?

DMV Employee
DO YOU SEE A FLASHING LIGHT? LIKE, MAYBE TO YOUR LEFT? PERIPHERALLY??


The sad thing is, she ended up passing the guy. Damn near deaf and blind, and none-too-steady on his pins, yet he was still a licensed driver in the state of Ohio. I made sure I hustled my butt and got out of that office before he hit the road.

There must be an extraordinarily low bar for DMV excellence satisfaction. The BBC reported today of a woman in her late 60s who has failed the written portion of the test 771 times. If you worked in a DMV, would you even let someone take a test 771 times? The mind reels. I wouldn't make that many attempts at anything, much less something for which the 771 failures represented only the first half of the total goal. Think about her on the road practicing for the driving portion of the exam.

And then think about how driving in LA doesn't seem so bad...

Labels: misc, news

For the majority of my life, I've had short hair. As such, I'm usually back at my hairdresser's every 4-5 weeks, lest my 'do becomes a don't. But now I have what my sweetie calls recession hair. It's when you maximize your time in between cuts so as to minimize the impact on your wallet. My last haircut was before Christmas, which means I'm heading into week 7 or 8 on this one. It also means I've gone from a cute Mary J. Blige sort of cut:


to a Rod Blagojevich un-style:


It ain't pretty. I think it's time to make an appointment.


(For those of you who recognized the provenance of the subject line, bravo. For those unfamiliar with the Bugs Bunny cartoon "Broomstick Bunny," it's high time you learned.)

Labels: misc

I think getting into the top 3 nominated blogs for this award is about as likely as me holding political office, but what the heck? Click on over and nominate this site (http://irreverent-mother.blogspot.com/) for best Parenting/Wedding lesbian blog. I know you can do it with a clear conscience, because how many lesbian parenting blogs do you really read anyway? You can vote once every 24 hours. Tell your friends to vote, too. It'll be an interesting social experiment, if nothing else!



Voting started yesterday (so we're already behind the 8 ball) and continues until the 9th, so go on, shoo! Get to votin'! Love ya!

Labels: misc

I haven't had much to say, but a friend's email this morning has changed that. The original email was sent to us and another friend (Sara C) who just had twins a month ago. Rather than comment on our thread, I thought I'd just post it here.


-------- Original Message --------
From: Sara W
Subject: relax & enjoy
To: KarenSeeta, Sara C
Date: Monday, February 2, 2009, 9:58 AM



seriously guys -- what the hell are you doing all day??

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: Re: relax & enjoy
From: Sara C
Date: Mon, February 02, 2009 10:13 am
To: KarenSeeta, Sara W

Sorry, I couldn't get past the headline. I tried to read it, but Jayna had to be fed, then Zan spit up on the dog, then he started wailing while Jayna needed to be changed, then Zan needed to be fed, then Jayna had to go the doctor and then it was midnight. I'm typing this with one hand while trying to drink cold tea I made 2 hours ago.

So what was the article about? :-)

-------- Original Message --------
Subject: RE: Re: relax & enjoy
From: KarenSeeta
Date: Mon, February 02, 2009 10:48 am
To: Sara C, Sara W

I'm just now getting to reading this. In my bathrobe. Because I just got out of the bedroom for the first time today. At 10:30 (and this is one of my work from home days). Last night's "let's try a 9pm bedtime so we can unwind after he's down" became "or not" as we bounced, comforted, fed, fed again (and we wonder why Bean's as big as he is...), burped, changed, entertained and FINALLY saw our little one off to a sound sleep - at midnight. The night progressed thusly: dream feed before we went to sleep, proceed to feed approximately every 2 hours (Special note to Bean's pediatrician: yes, I know he's big enough to sleep through the night, and yes, I'm on board with that. A child crying every two hours next to my head leads me to believe he isn't on board.), then the chronic feedings produced a symphony of farts, which in turn became productive and created a poop barely contained by the confines of his diaper. After changing, I gave up on the idea of making up for lost sleep and stumbled out here.

So you'll forgive me if I sit here in my robe, with my oh-so-lovely bedhead, mainlining caffeine.

Labels: Bean, misc